You’re Never Too Old to Make New Friends 

By: HCO

What is it that pushes us to make friends? The early 20th century sociologist Émile Durkheim described “collective effervescence” as “the sense of energy and harmony people feel when they come together in a group around a shared purpose.” Essentially, we find joy in being around others.

Having friends increases our joy in living

With friends, we celebrate life’s good times and get support during bad times. When we have friends, we feel less lonely — and help our friends feel connected, too.

Friends can also:

• Encourage healthy lifestyle habits, and discourage bad habits
• Give you greater self-confidence 
• Help you cope with difficult live events
• Provide a sense of purpose and belonging
• Reduce stress and boost happiness

One 2019 report in the Journal of Positive Psychology found: “It’s best understood as a combination of feeling connected to others and a sensation of sacredness, and is found in common, everyday kinds of events related to various aspects of enjoying group activities. Three quarters of people experience collective effervescence at least once a week and a third experience them every day.”

At their essence, friendships bring us happiness, make life’s bumps easier to manage, and help us live healthier — and longer.

With life’s changes, we lose these connections

When you’re retired and no longer part of the office routine, the change can be a shock. You’re used to seeing people every day; a community of coworkers is often a great source of friendships. Without that built-in routine, it’s easy to lose touch with your work friends.

When you’re caring for aging parents or an ailing spouse, friendships may take a back seat. Or you may have grown apart from long-time friends, as often happens when your lives or interests change. If you’ve moved to a new community, you may have trouble meeting people.

You may live alone and feel fine about it. But when you don’t feel connected with others — and have few people to interact with regularly — the social isolation can make you feel lonely. Hearing, vision, memory loss, disability, trouble getting around, and/or the loss of family and friends can also make us feel less connected.

Social isolation can affect your physical and mental health

Social isolation can affect your health, as people who feel lonely may get too little exercise, drink too much alcohol, smoke, and often don’t sleep well — which can further increase the risk of serious health conditions, research shows. 

Among the risks:

• Anxiety and depression
• Cognitive decline
• Heart disease 
• High blood pressure 

Statistics show that prolonged isolation can be as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s critical to learn how to build a new social network, for your mental and physical health.

How can you find new friends?

First, talk to your doctor about your situation. Do you feel anxious? Depressed? Tell your doctor what you’re experiencing, so you can get help. E-visits with a doctor or therapist can help you get past your depression and anxiety, so you feel more like socializing.

You may have to push yourself a little to get out and meet new people. But remember, you only need to make one or two new connections.

Here are a few tips:

• Adopt a pet! Shelters are full of friendly dogs and cats who need a good home. A pet is a wonderful companion who will be very happy to see you (and will listen to every word).
• Check out Meetup.com, to meet local people with similar interests — exploring new restaurants, hiking, and other activities. 
• Focus on having fun. Golf, bridge, dancing, a book club, checking out a new coffee shop or museum exhibit are a great way to loosen up and make a new friend. 
• Get involved in your community by taking on a cause and volunteering. You’ll deepen your sense of purpose, help others and make like-minded friends.
• Rekindle your existing relationships, including work friends who are a great basis for support.
• Take a class! Learning is good for your brain and will help you make new friends. Check your local community college or university for continuing education classes or seniors-only courses. Your senior center can also help you find local resources.
• Use video chats and social media (like Facebook) to stay in touch with people. If you need help getting started, ask a tech-savvy relative or friend, or check with your local senior center.
• Visit your local community wellness or senior center and become involved in a wide range of interesting programs. 

Nurture your connections

Developing new friendships requires the right amount of time and attention. You might give support at times and receive support when you need it. When you show friends you care and appreciate them, you strengthen the friendship.

To nurture your friendships:

• Ask how they’re doing, listen carefully, show you care, and don’t provide advice — unless asked for it. 
• Express kindness and gratitude, instead of criticism or negativity. 
• Make an effort to see one another regularly; simply over coffee, taking a walk or sharing a meal. 
• Open up about personal experiences and concerns, to deepen the connection.
• Show you’re trustworthy, responsible, reliable and dependable. Arrive on time and keep your friend’s personal information private.

Remember, you’re never too old to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. When you invest time in friendships, you’ll reap dividends in better health and many more years to enjoy life.